Kuchi bhi nahi

Gali apni wahi hai,
Daricha unka bhi wahi toh hai,
Magar nahi hai
Kuch waisa ab,

Ek chahat hai ki upar dekhu,
Aur dekhe woh dekhte hue muje,

Ek samjdari bhi hai,
Jo samjati hai,
Ki waha agar koi hai bhi,
Phir bhi,
Koi nahi hi toh hai

Sar jukhata nahi hu,
Muhh uttata bhi nahi hu
Dekhata hu,
Ki dunn meh hu
apni hi,
Kisi apne hi kayal ka peecha
Kar raha hu..

Nautanki kar raha hu,
Kyuki,
Shayad,
Kya pata,
Nautanki dekh hi raha ho koi
Ya Shayad nahi!
Koi nahi..

Find love (re)

Find love re,

In parks,
In Malls,
In an old man's face
In a child's half smile

In the rickshaw wala's small talk,
In the sky above,
In th squirrels playing in ground
Find love re..

In pain,
In guilt,
Admist of an angry rant
World falling apart
Find love re

Nothing else can save you
You have to survive yourself
And yourself takes you within
Down the meamory lane
In the scars of skin
Reach out..
Find love re

Escape from reality
That confines you into
Something small,
Something that needs protection
Drop your guards
Find love re

Because if you don't find it
You won't see
The world will be random,
Unpredictable
And rather ugly
What world do you want to see?
Beauty
Find love re..

Mehfil

Sabke kurte bade hai,
Iss mehfil meh
Bas meh hi ajj jaldi meh,
Chota phen k aaya,

Sabki gehri hai,
Kavita yaha
Kya kya words hai insme,
Richness baba
Bas meri hi straight forward,
Bekkar si
Koi ryme scheme bhi na hai

Sab mast hai yaha,
Khush bhi toh lagg hi rahe hai,
Aur behad khubsurat bhi
Bas meh hu yaha
Jo bina muh dule chala aaya
Thanda bahut hai ajj
Bas chota wala kurta dal k challa aaya

Sab hoshiyaar hai yaha,
Tez bhi hai,
Adaptable hai,
Samjhte hai kam apna,
Aur jaante kaise karna hai,
Muje lagta hai time,
Behad time sab kuch k liye,
Aur kurta bhi chota phen k aaya hu ajj meh..

Walk

Can we go for a walk?
Because I can't dance,
And crying doesn't come naturally
And there is so much that's burning inside
Can we use the steam
And walk?

Walk no where in particular,
Through dark areas
Or bustling bazars
We don't need to hold hands
With no promises of  long distances
But can we walk?

No pills,
No ciggrates,
Liquor or Painting
Does it for me,
The relief I get,
From a walk in the park
Can we walk?

And talk endlessly,
About important things
Or nothing in particular,
Nuisance, stories and ideas
Of what we thought we were
And the humans we are
Can we walk?

Can we take the longer route to home?
Can we walk in the midnight,
After a disturbing fight
Will you walk me home
and return walking back..
Can we walk?

Random Raita

The story without reason and question..

The story that I am making in my head is that she doesnt care. She doesnt care like at all about what you are doing, about the friendship about the relationship. She just doesnt give a flying fuck. Tu hi chutiya has aise peiche laga rehta hai, from everything that you have heard seen. She doesnt want much from you. That call was a mistake at the 6 Am with slight cough syrup. What are you you trying to do. She is in her own world re, and shayad you have no place in that world. You were always last in line, what do you have? You have been thinking about it all day, what do you want? She has her own things to deal, and she is sad too. and you are an enternal waiter, trying to fill that whole in your stomach, and she will come maybe, and the hole will fill, and you will breathe, and very soon you will forget, because you always do. And you will think kya chutiya thoughts rehte mer. Then she will leave again, to her own world and you will wait here like a dumb child who can cry but cant say. You will check your whatsapp, and keep checking it, eventhough your notification are mute, eventhough the net is not connected.

Love undiscovered

In a parallel universe,
Where I am a better poet,
And love,
Love is yet to be defined
By the social norms,
Exploited by artist for centuries,
Neither it is sung in folklore,
Nor in cheesy bollywood songs,
Neither it is romanticized by poets,
Nor it is something
That is learned from parents
Where there is a lot less baggage
Where the past doesn't predict  the future and the future
Well the future doesn't exist
If we didn't knew this is how it feels to be in love
Where time and distance are non existent
Where the biology has not wired us
To continue with the evolution
Where people understand logic
And shallowness of the same
Where kisses don't feel,
Then all there might be is a moment
This moment..
All encompassing..
The infinite..

Everything and Nothing.

Chaotic Times

Guarded
Standing,
Enterance? Or  exit?
Scent of enemy
Inside? Or Outside?

Flood of emotions,
Frozen!
Tired impulses,
Dark thought tunnel
Lost!

Hope,
Clinging to light
Far away
Far far away
Cold night

Happiness,
What?
Why?
Only pleasure
Self hurt,
Obsession..

Dark fog,
Can't see..
Figgity
Dreamy
Deep valley

Sleep with lights on
Blood in washbasin
Blood in hand
Red, Thick , Moist..

Breathless
Hold hand
Claustrophobic
Anxiety..
No short term
Relief

List of things

There is this list of things
I have made
To talk to you about
Good things?
No!
Bad Things?
No!
Just things
My random mussings
Commentaries on bare relaties
And I wish to narrate it,
someday
in your ears
Because that's how these are told,
in the ears
Not because they are sacred
But because
I want you to forget
I want you to forget
Each line
As soon as you hear it
I don't want
Anything
Anything to do with words
I just want you
To listen to them
And forget them!
Sounds simple
Its not a part of me
That I want to give to you
Because parts don't give parts
And we are both parts
Parts of the same things
Parted as we might be,
Like the poles.
There are forces that connect you
And somedays
we feel whole. 

Dear Partner

Dear Partner,
Sorry,
Sorry for what you might ask?
And I will say
for the shit storm that is Abhay
The majority of this relationship
will be finding things,
important things,
like PAN Cards, passports,
And adhar cards.
That I are here but cannot be found.
Its not that
You have to do this,
That this somehow your duty
But I know you will
Because you are kind
While I will be wondering
"Yahi pe toh rakha tha"
"Kaha Gaya?"
And you will try to remain calm
But you secretly wondeer
Intially
How does he manages to do this,
everyday?
One fine day,
When you will come home,
you will find,
that he forgot to lock the door,
or the light is still on..
And you will look to the sky
and wonder why?
Why does he do it?
Let me remind you darling
Karta nahi hu
Bas yeh hojata hai
The things with boyish charm
Which I think is my only USP
looks only good in boys,
And ladies often demand a Maan,
Supermaan, Spidermaan, Saktimaan
And you are reasonable womaan
And sane organised partner
is really not too much to ask
But jaan I will try,
I will try when we are there
That this wont happen
Or happens less
I am reading this book,
"The Life‑Changing Magic of Tidying Up"
and managing clutter in my life
But when it happens
I must ask of you
Please try and understand
That I have kicked myself,
That I have panicked,
That I have been very close to break down,
Many times,
None of them has helped much
My sister says its my mother's doing
My friend says its your biology
Whatever that maybe
Now that you find yourself
in this mess
Please try and be calm
And remind yourself
Zoom out,
find love..
And find the fuckin
wallet
Which needs to be found..

And it begins...

You wake up at 4 Am,
Nightmare?
Nope.
They are still to come,
And they hit you
A 1000 thoughts all at once,
And silently say
your prayer,
'not me,
just thoughts,
let them pass,
just see'
some days you win
and get half hour more sleep
others,
you live to fight another morning
Body hurts,
too much walking yesterday maybe
put on your shoes
go for run
and they follow,
one by one
all your things to do,
things should not have been done,
everything there,
you breathe,
everyone else is asleep
Or maybe fighting their demons
and you take out your weapon
your diary and a pen,
you write them down
do reason with them
you remind yourselves
amazing stuff that happened
and is about to happen
because its not in the autopilot
you stuff your breakfast
although nausea is constant
you remind yourself
you are not real
you are a figment of your imagination
and you say your prayers
not because you believe in GOD
but you want yourself to know
that if only 1%
you also effect you
And you are ready for the day
to face the chaos
to head bang to that riff
called life..

The Heart Broken

The heart broken are beautiful people,
It just came upto me
The girl who could not get over a crush
For 5 years,
The boy who still in love
to the girl friend
who is married now,
But then you wonder,
Are they?
Clingy little people
Desperate.
Lost in their own hurt,
In their own grief,
Pathetic right?
But they smile,
Sometimes with their teary eyes,
And they look at the world
With gentle eyes
Sometimes they make art
Beautiful art
Which people half understand,
Holding on to the hot cup,
Why have their impulses
failed them
Unable to let go
And they suffer day and night
And I find them beautiful
Broken are so my types
And sometimes,
I feel a hint of pride
One of them,
the chosen one.

Milte kabhi?

Dili se milenge nahi,
Toh Dilli ko janenge kaise,
Dili ko janenge nahi,
Toh pyaar kaise hoga,
Aur pyaar na hoga,
Toh hum reh na paenge,
Dilli meh jyada din...

Tum nahi ho..

Bazar hai, Shor hai,
Bhuk bhi toh lagi hai,
Cash laaya nahi meh ajj
Aur tum bhi nahi ho!

Client chutiya hai,
Bhagga diya muje,
Appointment ko bulla k,
Auto bhi nahi milte iss area meh
Aur tum bhi nahi ho

Sunday hai,
Koi meeting bhi nahi hai,
Ek Ajeeb si gharahat hai dill meh,
Sube se hi,
Aur tum bhi toh nahi ho..

Ajj utni garmi nahi hai,
Halki halki toh barish bhi horahi hai,
Waha ek couple bhi bhetta hai
Ashuiqui 2 kar Rahe hai,
Aur tum bhi toh yahi ho..

Winter is coming...

As we draw closer,
To my favorite season of the year,
The winter which is finally here,
I still sometimes,
Start typing,
"I miss you"
And I imagine what you would have said,
And we have a little conversation,
In my head,
Until I wake up completely,
And wipe the miss you wala part,
And say "Good Morning"
Have a great day...

Time value of self

When I was kid,
There used show this story
The inital started with a background
And the harsh voice used to say
"Meh Samay hu"
"I am time"
What funny thing is time
In finance we have learned
Time value of money
Time has great powers
But often when we think of ourselve
Of doing something big in future
Of overcoming an obstacle
We often put our self
As what we are feeling today
Into that situation
We don't give time a value
We make a promise
And in full honestly
But we forget to discount
For time
We forget that we will
not be the same
That time will change us
That things then will much difference
Than they are today
And you know why we do this
We do this
Because of ego
which tells us that you have been
one constant person
That the Ram of today
is the Ram of years ago
They are the same person
Thus making a coherent story
Of who you were in the past
And what you will be in future
And as a result
This "sense of I"  lives through time
This one thing that have seen it all
Is capable of finite things
Projects the past into the future

Preet Vihar ki Galiya

Jab aaya tha pheli baar,
Aksaar kho jata tha,
Preet Vihar ki choti choti galiyo meh

Nah jane kon log rehte hai yaha,
Itna bhagte kyu hai,
Rukhte kyu nahi?
Dekhte kyu nahi?

Nikala tha pheli baar
Jab morning walk k liye
Park meh log hass rahe the
Ravan ki tarah
Kuch talli bajja rahe the
Kuch latke the paiddo se
Preet Vihar k log

Har baar puch na padta
Na jane kitne raste the,
Jo sab mere kamre ko lejate the

Ab jab kuch samay nikal gaya hai
Preet Vihar apna sa lagne laga hai
Har rasta kuch jana pechna
Kya cheez hoti hai na pehchanna?
Pehchhana
Matlab kayi kayi alag cheezo ko
Ek bade ka part dekhna

Ab muskurate kuch log park meh
Dekh kar,
Woh Ravan jaise hasne wale uncle
Ki dukhhan hai beauty products ki
Yeh aunty MNC meh kam karti hai
Un uncle ka beta gali chor k rehta hai

Kaise jagao k,
Logo k
Mahine badal jate hai
Jab thodda pechchan jate hai unhe..

Half complete

When I was young,
I was lazy too.
Lazyness encourages shortcuts
Whenever I got homework
I would do only half
Half work is uniquely advantageous
Often I could get away from being punished
I could even make an acquisition
On how
I tried and how I failed
Teahcers,
Maybe most people,
are willing to give you a pass
Provided you give them a reason
Anyways
Time passed
And my love half persisted
Their is a childish half
And a  half which is Resonable
A half friend
And only half an enemy
Half at promises of love
half at my commitment to work
Half healthy and half sick
Half awoke and half asleep
Half crawling and half walking upright
Half intuition and half caliberation
And yeah this half poem
I fear in this half life
Would death be complete?

Alone With Everybody By Charles Bukowski

The flesh covers the bone 

and they put a mind 

in there and 

sometimes a soul, 

and the women break 

vases against the walls 

and the men drink too 

much 

and nobody finds the 

one 

but keep 

looking 

crawling in and out 

of beds. 

flesh covers 

the bone and the 

flesh searches 

for more than 

flesh. 



there's no chance 

at all: 



we are all trapped by a singular 

fate. 



nobody ever finds 

the one. 



the city dumps fill 

the junkyards fill 

the madhouses fill

the hospitals fill 

the graveyards fill 



nothing else 

fills. 

I stand in the Cliff

Remember
How when we had our first breakup
I had torn down your letters
And grounded them
Digging a hole in the heart
It admit
It was filmy
Maybe clumsy too
Now that we have parted
This time for more than a day
I refuse to throw away anyone of your things
For memories are not to be thrown
In wells
For you are still here
In me
For I carry you within
And
This might be filmy as well
For
I hope you carry me too
And we will keep carrying
For one day this weight
Will grow into weather
Beautiful Prose
Unlike the one writing
And we will fly
And maybe sing too..

Choice Paradox : Meditation

I have always been into poetry. Not in the passionate. Like we all are little bit in the stars. We don't look up too often but when we do its always a pleasure. One of the earliest Poems I have read was The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost. It had some impact on me. So when five years later facebook asked me to jot down my favorite quote I immediately wrote down.

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference."

 

Since then I have changed that quote. And since life is a constant flow of choices and outcomes. Not that its the individual who takes that decision. I have almost have a healthy laugh on the above lines. What is choice? I am learning these days through meditation what does is mean to be aware of emotions and what it takes not let them control your life decisions. And I believe that is my choice. I have read somewhere that "You cannot control anything but the choices you make" and I wonder even if I one gets to control that too. We don't get to control shit. 

The road that is not taken is also an information you have from your visual senses. Maybe both road are the same and you have some certain bias towards the one and hence you go less travelled by. Even if it is less traveled. Who freakin said that the less travelled roads lead to better places. Some other poet you might have read in your childhood or some old man must have told you. Who get to say that this is your decision. And as if it matters, what is the difference, you are talking about. Difference from all the other people. Is it good to be different? Maybe it is good. Patani kya likha rah meh... :/ 

Everything Is Waiting for You

Your great mistake is to act the drama
 as if you were alone. As if life
 were a progressive and cunning crime
 with no witness to the tiny hidden
 transgressions. To feel abandoned is to deny
 the intimacy of your surroundings. Surely,
 even you, at times, have felt the grand array;
 the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding
 out your solo voice. You must note
 the way the soap dish enables you,
 or the window latch grants you freedom.
 Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.
 The stairs are your mentor of things
 to come, the doors have always been there
 to frighten you and invite you,
 and the tiny speaker in the phone
 is your dream-ladder to divinity.

Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into the
 conversation. The kettle is singing
 even as it pours you a drink, the cooking pots
 have left their arrogant aloofness and
 seen the good in you at last. All the birds
 and creatures of the world are unutterably
 themselves. Everything is waiting for you.

---

THE SUMMER DAY

Who made the world?

Who made the swan, and the black bear?

Who made the grasshopper?

This grasshopper, I mean--

the one who has flung herself out of the grass,

the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,

who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down--

who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.

Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.

Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.

I don't know exactly what a prayer is.

I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down

into the grass, how to kneel in the grass,

how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,

which is what I have been doing all day.

Tell me, what else should I have done?

Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?

Tell me, what is it you plan to do

With your one wild and precious life?

My girl

I have seen her grow up
Uncovering herself from thick classes
To  a comfortable sight
From her first
Meeting with the razor
To coloring her hair red
I have seen her long flowing hair
Only to a boy cut
Only to grow up again
I have seen her trajectory
Her pursuit of dreams
I have heard crying
Loudly in the washrooms
I have seen her
Becoming
Her shifting ideologies
In rain
And in the sun
Now I sit back to watch her
From distance
Perhaps like her Dad
To see
My girl
become
someone else..

She was never Yours

We humans, and I guess only humans have this strange fascination with possession. Some of it is a given from our monkey mind but I think the most of it comes from a fearful society. A society that believes that people are things and have to kept in chains.

We believe that there is this pie called love. This is specially true of romantic love. That one things that one person can love just one person. Maybe I am wrong. But my counter is maybe love is like an ocean. Maybe there is plenty of anyone. Maybe its not a zero sum game. Maybe we can love many at one times. So don't get too agitated when she looks at someone else. Maybe its not you share of love which is being shared.

Even when she has gone with somebody else. She was never yours. She was always hers. What comes through its own will will leave through its own will. You might have the illusion that this was you  who kept her there. But she was there on her own. The love is beautiful because you have been there for her.  

Meditations: Love? Craving? Security?

Dekho yaar. When I was young there is used to be this candy center on our way from school to home. And my Mum used to come receive me from school. I used roll everyday one the road begging her to get me that ice-cream. She used to be so embarrassed while she drags me back to home. She would sometimes also get me one. I guess , over the years, the ice-cream has changed. The newest ice cream has been this lover of mine who is now gone. Like she is still on Earth but she is gone from life. And I she is my new ice-cream. I don't know what separates Desire to Obsession to Love. As the relationship has come to pass I am confusing between these two.

Another is  love as security. We live in a lonely world, we feel threatened by it. An uncle yesterday start fighting with a waiter because the Napkins in the restaurant were over. Okay? Napkins when did they become so important. It is because we are so scared we depend on other people to seek safety. He didn't treat me that well. She promised to love me. He promised me to stay with me forever. We accept for people around us to make the world a safer place. Love is one such promise of security. It says when I cry, you get me a nappkin, or better we cry together. Often that promise is not fulfilled. And there is a perceived loss of love. Truly its your security which gets threatened and you fear.

So if you see love as a continuation of  desire and security. And stop romanticizing it so much. You might have a better  time dealing with your heart break. 

Meditations from Plague

In the Plague there is a small passage about young lovers. Because a curfew has been established into the city, the young lovers were stuck in different cities without any contact with each other. While the world around them was crumbling, everybody was dying, things were in deep grief. The young lovers were lost in the world of their own. This is so true of love, the world and the pain of the world becomes a backdrop for ones of emotions. Cut off from everything outside. 

With love.

I love you... I love with evey ounce of my blood... My every cell of the body loves you.. In the past month how much I missed you? Every Moment. How much I wanted to reach out to you? Every Moment. How much I still suffer? Every Moment. But somethings changed I gradually started enjoying it. Fighting with it. To be on your own and just to be on your own. I have created and continue to create future senerios of us meeting, on what will I say? Should I drop into your room? Should I ask Ashu? Is there a chance? Can you grow our lost love back? What will I say? What will I do? Where will we meet? How will it go? Where would I stay? But it came to me today I have a option of not meeting you altoghether. Not because I am pride. I dont think where there is love there is space for pride. But in my hearts of hearts, I want this to go on. My spritual journey. You have taught me a lot in relationship and you continue teaching it t me even after we have ended. I love you. But I love myself a bit more. I want to explore this area more. Of self love. Of being to kind to first me and then to the world. And I dont want to cause of pain of rejection or misunderstanding. So I wont tell you that I am in Delhi. You dont need to know. That would be easy on both of us. No? That is that. I have been practicing on feeling emotion and not reacting to them, just feeling them. I have done well with grief and anxiety. I think I can manage desire too. Lets see how this one goes. Remember I love you with every thing I have got. But I love myself a tad bit more.  

Khanni

Har roz nayi prem kahani likhta hu meh
Kabhi muh boli sunnata hu
Kabhi likh kar btata hu meh
Har khanni meh tum hoti hu
Har Khanni meh meh hota hu
Magar har khanni kuch aur hoti hai
Jaise har roz koi nayi paralell universe
Dund leta hu meh
Jaha tum hoti ho
Jaha meh hota hu

Kisi khanni meh mein talwar pakade hota hu
Kisi tum pakkadti ho trishul
Dhaal bhi hoti hai kabhi hath meh
Maggar kabhi nehatte bhi hote hai hum
Kisi khani se khushi milti hai
Kisi se milta hai gum,
Magar milta hai roz
Kuch naya
Jab humare bare meh sochta hu meh

Kabhi sochta hu
Kya yeh khanni meh likh raha hu?
Yah yeh Khanni hai jo muje likh rahi hai?
Shayad yeh Khanni hi hai
Jo har roz apna lekhak badal leti hai
Meh nahi hu
Tum nahi ho
Bas hai toh yeh khanni
Jo humko istemal karti hai
Apne hi kisi kale maksad k liye
Jane kaha jana chahti hai yeh
Kisse milna chahti hau
Yeh khanni meri nahi hai
Iss khanni ka hu meh

Humans are Robots

I like to think of Humans
As robots
So when
Somebody is getting angy
I live to believe
He forgot his cortosol today
Or maybe forgot to clean engine
As if he could have taken a pill
And somehow could have been
Less anxious
Less fearful
For these chemical reactions
That run us are not us
There are these micro bots
Who follow
their own laws
 Laws they have learned
through thousands of years of evolution
Laws that they learned
from their own limited experience
Microbots mean well
They are their for help
But they are not perfect
They make mistakes
They get tired and old
It is important than
to keep them in good shape
And one some of them misfires
Makes a wrong decision
Not to punish the human
But to fix the bots
Because its they
who run the show...

I miss you

I miss you
These three words
More powerful than
the complimentary
I love you
Because
the convey vulnerability
But yesterday
When you send me
These
They had lost something
Some emotion
Something which had made them
So beautiful
Consoling to me
I being important enough
Being missed
Your I miss you
Sounded like
"Earth revolves around the sun"
"Force equals mass into acceleration"
Some natural law
To which us human
can't do anything
But to obey
It is maybe because
there is another such law
Newtons second law of motion
every force has an equal and opposite force
I replied
I miss you too
Helpless
In my limited human potential 

SHE

There is a girl
Big eyes,
Maybe bigger heart
Cries like a baby
Rolled up to her thighs
Smiles with all her 32 teethes
And with her eyes

Beautiful just wont suffice
She is much more
Easy going, friendly
Lost in her world
Solving riddles
of some kind.

She carries the world on her shoulders
An atlas in her own rights
She is called on often
By friends and other
Who seek her time
Though she is always running
She stops
She finds time

She was born with her screw driver
She loves to fix things
Like a moth to light
She yearns for broken items
Why this fascination?
When Broken things
mostly rot and die


If you open your heart to her
She will readily curl in
If she opens her heart to you
You better curl in

She is just the kind of girl
Who will give you all the time
She will tell you everything
Who wont go for an easy out
But one day,
She will turn back
And walk away

On days she will cry
For the leaf that falls
On others she will pass
storms with smiles
She is something else
Something you can't reach
It upto her if she wants to reach you

Chupa lete hai woh

Log dikhate nahi hai ghav,
Chuppa lete hai
Band dete hai pattiya
Kabhi plastar bhi chadda lete hai,
Aate hai phir khareebi
Likhte hai
Get well soon
Agar dikhaye phirte
Log apni chott
Toh shayad kuch alag hi jahan hota
Log grossed out km hote
Shayad marham bhi
Kuch jyada hota

breakup letter

Dear Rupa,

I have always been dry and emotionless most times. One of my gifts. So still I don't cry very often. I am still like a dry fish which someone just pulled out of the water. My lungs still getting sucked of oxygen as I wait for things to die.

The 300kms distance from Delhi is somehow more than what is used to be. Today when I saw Delhi Bus there was not that the usual smile that used to cover my face, it was a kinda dread that took over me. There are few things that I want to tell you before I let you go. First is as we have started telling each other. I will be here for you and I assume that you will there for me as well. Thanks for that. I won't ask for much. I can't ask for much. Not because I have suddenly developed pride, as you know, in-front of you, my ego dissolves like salt in water. But still, I would believe that you will there for me. For over the years that's what kept us going through tough times. And maybe will help me go through for the rest of this overwhelming journey.

 Secondly, if you tell me someday that we want to meet, that you need help, that you miss me, please do.  I won't assume that the lava of our love has somehow found its way to the thrust, or you just need me for emotional or other support, we don't have to be 'couples' to support each other. It has been a painful learning. And as I have come on the other side of the bridge, I understand it better. You just have to say it. And I will be there. I will wait.

 I understand that I have lost your love and it was painful (still is) but in my wise moments, I understand you enough to let you go. I will always be the president of Harshita Fan Club, and always be indebted to you for all the beautiful moments we have shared in the last four years. Waise Bhi for how long anyone can be sad for the four most beautiful years of his life.

 This quote came back to me on my walk to a waterfall "You can't step into a river twice". For the river is always changing/flowing. I had kept this photograph of the river and thought that this was my river, my favorite river but little did I understood that the river was moving while I was the one stagnant. I still have the photograph though and I keep looking at it. You are right, we imperfect humans love imperfectly. We are in love with the idea of a person. After some time all that remains is an idea when the person has long gone.  


I loved when one day you said that you are "happier" after the breakup because that is exactly where I wanted you to be if we ever broke up. Not happy/satisfied/ chal-raha-hai. But Happier. I will take my time. I am a bit slow at this. But will be joining you soon in the "Happier-Zone".

Thanks,
Taara

Kaunsi Bus? Kaunsi Train?

Jab aaya tha Delhi
Pheli baar ,
Yeh soch k aaya tha
Agar woh Bus station pe na aayi
Toh pakkad lunga woh agli bus
Ghar ko wapis

Magar tum agayi thi
Gulab hath meh liye

Kuch dafah aur yeh silsila
Chalta raha
Har baar meh sochta
Agar nahi aayi woh
Toh yeh train pakkadunga
Kabhi woh bus

Phir kuch samay meh muje
Tumhare ghar ka rasta yaad ho gaya
Ab km rehti thi yeh soch
Ki nahi aayi toh kya karunga
Mahine beete phir beete saal
Tumhare nahi aane ka darr
Kuch khatam sa hogaya
Ab jab hum sath nahi hai


Ab jab kabhi phone karta hu
Toh sochta hu
K nahi uttayigi toh kya karunga?
Kaunsi bus pakkdunga
Kaunsi train dudunga?

Dil toot gaya

Abhi kuch alag sa hi pata chala
Jab dil toote hai dubara
Phir bhi utna hi dard hota hai
Yeh kya baat hui
Matlab har baar ginti dobara
Ek ladki hai bholi se
Apne papa ki ladli bhi
Yeh soch k dil machal jata hai
Ki kaise khatt rahi hogi woh raatein
Kuch aur hai,
Aise hi log jo guzzar rahe
Iss trauma se
Jisse modern log kehte hai heartbreak
Padda tha mehne ki
Rome meh bhi kayi log
Pyaar k dard se apni masuka k agan meh fasi laga lete hai
Ek kissa muje bhi pata hai
Sochta hu ki kya ban aata hoga unke dimag meh
Kya duniya se khatam hojati unki
Kya nahi dikhta hoga un chand raat meh
Toote hue dil par
Kayi gaane hai
Kayi nazme hai
Magar meh sochta hu
Kitne hai itni nazzme
Jo likhi gayi hongi
Meri tarah achanak neend se utt k
Kyu kiya jata hai
itna romanticize yeh phrase
Jo chalta hoga kisi ki zindagi
do ya jyada se jyada char mahina

Kaise-kya

Jab meh shuru karta hu meh
Mere pass koi theme nahi hoti
Hoti hai toh ek kujli
Hoti hai toh ek pheli
Jis k baare meh sochne k liye
Keyboard meh kuch kuch type karta hu meh
Poety ka toh kuch bhi pata nahi
Shayad jo likhta hu
Woh koi pada likka keh de
Ki yeh
Yeh toh poety hai bhi nahi
Magar apna kam chal jata hai
Khatam hone tak poetry
Ek sukkun sa mill jata hai
Mil jata hai kuch jawab
ya phir koi aur bada sawal
Jis k samne apna sawal ko jata
Apna kam hojata hai.. _/\_

Hamesha Der Kar Deta Hun Main Poet: Munir Niazi

Zaruri Bat Kahni Ho
Koi Wada Nibhana Ho
Use Awaz Deni Ho
Use Wapas Bulana Ho
Hamesha Der Kar Deta Hun Main

Madad Karni Ho Uski
Yar Ki Dharas Bandhana Ho
Bahut Derina Raston Par
Kisi Se Milne Jana Ho
Hamesha Der Kar Deta Hun Main

Badalte Mausamon Ki Sair Main
Dil Ko Lagana Ho
Kisi Ko Yad Rakhna Ho
Kisi Ko Bhul Jana Ho
Hamesha Der Kar Deta Hun Main

Kisi Ko Maut Se Pahle
Kisi Gam Se Bachna Ho
Haqiqat Aur Thi Kuch
Us Ko Ja K Ye Batana Ho
Hamesha Der Kar Deta Hun Main

Poetry and love

Read your poems
Again,
All of them.
Yeah all of them
Was tying to find me
In some of them
Yeah that was me
I jump off when people touch my butt
I also have trouble taking to dad
And the other one
It had my photo too
That should have been for me
How does it matter?
It was for me.
Or him.
Or for anyone else?
Poetry should be beautiful
Poetry should be comforting
That's what poetry is for
Its not about you and me

The Spring is here

Teri di hui woh tight jeans
Ab ek dum fit aati hai

Ab one word messages reply dekh k
Kuch km toota hai mera dil

Mummy ki tension bhi km hui hai
Ab ghar meh chawal phir se jyada banne lage hai

Ab nahi sota tere bag p sar rakke meh
Neend bhi jaldi aa hi jati hai

Bechani bhi km hai
Berukhi kuch jyada

Kya khoya - kya paya
K records bhi km banata hu meh

Shayad nikal aaye hum jungle se
Halka sa suraj phirse nazar anne laga hai

Compassion

If you break Compassion into two parts it come as suffering together. I have always wanted to be a more compassionate person but I also have trouble feeling my own emotions forget other. I am trying to change that. 

As I am going through a heart break one of the few questions that I go back to again and again. Is she suffering too? And you would be astonished at the number of creative ways I have come to answer this question. Co-suffering I think is important to in Love or any other relationship. Once that has ended we can say the relationship has ended as well. 

Then again I wonder. I am so full of myself. Most of my thoughts revolve around me. Even this heart break I am majorly concentrated on my hurt, can we ever hope that people will come out of their way to feel an uncomfortable emotion. Maybe that is one reason I cannot look beggars in the eye. 

Wishes from Sunsets

I am an Athiest. I don't believe in myths related to Gods. Although I believe in myths of Humans which are of constitution and human rights. Anyways I have this happy place where I go to watch sunsets. I have been there many a times with many a people. I always think to myself when I am there. I make a wish. I have wished so deeply there to cure me of anxiety. I have wished to reach a milestone. In my mind I have thought to myself that something so beautiful can somehow be healing too. There might be a strange belief. But I always ask something from a setting sun.  Its weird. 

Mary Oliver : In Blackwater Woods

Every year everything I have ever learned in my lifetime leads back to this: the fires and the black river of loss whose other side is salvation, whose meaning none of us will ever know. To live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.
Mary Oliver In Blackwater Woods

Being Love..

"Darling I am here for you"

"Darling I know you are there and I am really happy'

"Darling you suffer that is why i am here for  you"

"Darling i suffer please help"

Letters to Young lovers

I am no romantic,
No Schopenhauer
No Shakespeare
But I think I have some insights to share


You who steal kisses
at every opportunity you get
You will hurt each other
You will hurt each other
very much..


You will cry silently,
Behind closed doors
Someone might even convince you
That you can be strong by yourself
You don't need this
But a better option to mumble,
"Darling I suffer, I need help"


When you hug each other
Say a silent prayer
Mortals are our bodies
Someday we will part
Let that thought cleanse you
Of your expectation, anxieties and hurt


Listen,
But listen to yourself first
Love,
But love yourself first
Forgive,
But forgive yourself first
For a glass which is full of water
Can really quench someone's trust

If your love is a prison,
For the one you love
Is it really love?


Lastly,
Be aware of blame
And resentment
For both of you are new at this
Raw passionate emotions
You are not well qualified to tackle this

But love you must
For you are in the Disney Land
And Rollar Coasters are such a hit...

Ummedo ko daman

Woh jab gir rahe
the makan kabhi udhar
kabhi idhar
Hum bhete the kidki meh apne
Kuch toh baat kar rahe the hum
Shayad uss subah
Phir meh good night bina kahe so gaya tha
Ya shayad phir tum ghar der se aayi thi
Jo bhi tha..
Socha tha yeh jo hummara
hai ghar ..
Yeh bnaye hai Ambuja Cement hai
Sasta hai bhi hai
Aur sabse achha bhi hai bhi..
Bana liya karte the kabhi kabhi
Cafe phaddo meh bhi
Painting bhi toh karayi thi abhi
Kisko pata tha..
Yeh toofan k baare meh
Chat meh bhet kar aksar
Muje lagta tha ki
Yuhi beete gi ab zindagi
Sath bheete bheete
Suraj ko takte
Ab jab achanak se utta hu meh
toh dikh raha hai apna ghar gira hua
Pados k ghar meh bheta hai ek joda

Living Dead!

I see a boy,
Dancing in the rain,
People try to stop him,
But he is too fast for them.

The older he grows,
Slowly that child dies,
Burdened with responsibilities,
Now in Rain,the 'Man' cries.

I want to shout at him,
Tell him,
It's okay to fly,
Next moment passes,
On my deathbed,
"I AM ALIVE" .

The Sociopath.

Do you know,
How it feels?
To be in the dark,
To always wear a mask.

Do you know,
How it feel?
To lock yourself in a cell,
Not bothered,whats going in hell.

Do you know,
How it feels?
To have fear of light,
to hide your tears from passing bys.

Do you know,
How it feels?
To hide your scars,
So that,no one can take them apart.

Do you know,
How it feel?
To love the dark,
To find serenity in a broken heart.

DO YOU?

Take me As I am...

It's alright,
That you don't understand.
It's not you,
It's me and the pieces lost.

You see me as a puzzle,
Like a painter with no hands.
Some nights, you might not sleep,
Thinking, what creature is this Man?

It's just I don't want to show you,
How broken I am...
Trust me,
If you could see my wounds,
All you will feel is sympathy in my name.

This might seem tough,
But our friendship would withstand.
I know you have a big heart,
Maybe it's bigger than I am.

Nothing at all..

Neither my father's ideal son,
Nor my mother's beloved moon,
I am just a failure,
Born to bring misery to my loved ones.

Neither my sister's proud brother
Nor my girlfriend's worthy lover,
Only a letdown for them all,
like a shameless feather,
Today I finally fall.

Neither my teacher's favorite student,
Nor my country's valiant soldier,
I am a mere "nothing".
& nothing at all.

Neither my friend's true comrade,
Nor my neighbor's helping hand,
Knowingly, unknowingly,
I have let you down all,
Its all my fault.

Neither true to myself,
Nor to the world,
Breaking my own promises,
Not a man of my words.

With pain in eyes,
Disgust in my heart,
Today I must confess,
For I am,
just a mere "nothing"
& nothing at all.

Woh din kaisa hoga..:o

Teri yaad gaamo ka ilaj hai,
Soch tujko pana kaisa hoga..

Teri awaz mere jeene ka masksad,
Soch tuje dekh pana kaisa hoga..

Tere txt mere muskurane ki wajah..
Soch tujse hath millana kaisa hoga..

Yu toh jeena hai tere liye itna sexy..
Soch tere liye mar jana kaisa hoga.

Train of thoughts!

There is a fire that is burning me from within,
That fire people cant see in the coldness of my smile..
But it hurts inside,
It burns inside..

The smoke runs in the hoarse voice..
in the longing to be alone..
Where I don't have to pretend..
Where nobody can see ..
Something in me is dying,
Every second I breathe..

I may have to live with the fire,
the entire time.
Losing all that once I thought was time.
Into that valley of nothingness..
Where light cant reach,
& I need not hide..

The fire sets me free,
it lives in me..
To kill something I may not need..
But whose to judge..
That fire burns for me?
or against me?

All I can see is flames rising..
Rising to laugh at me,
when I bleed!

Confused eh?

The thin line
Between holding close and letting go..
Between judging and indifference..
Between calm and quiet..
Between hurting and getting hurt.
Between happiness and escapism.
Between accepting and enduring.
Between sad and afraid..
Between forgetting and forgiving..
Between what has to be and what is..
Between hiding and smiling..
In those lines,
I often find myself, LOST!!

Broken Down!!!

It starts with nothingness,
Just like lightning
Far Far away in the sky,
Just like any other storm,
I have seen them
My entire life..
Nothing I cant fight.
But It feels different now
It feels like I am drowning
This is worse than dying.

I have imagined this event.
Many, many times,
In happy & sad moments
When we were lying next to each other,
& when we were far- far away
I never thought it would burn so much,
I never thought it would hurt so much

I always knew I was strong,
This fort that I have build around me
Brick by brick
Insulating me from any emotion
I used to think
It can stand any storm.
It turns out I was wrong,
With every passing moment,
The urge to be with you grows
Like a madmen's obsession
I watch out for you on my phone

This plastic smile,
which I keep for people nearby
It haunts me long,
I cant put up with it anymore,
I want to cry,
I need to cry.

My heart is burning
& My mind has gone wild.
I don't know where to hide
I don't know whom to tell,
My house is on fire.
My house is on fire
My house is on fire

And you slept..

It was that night of crazy love making
Of kises, and hugs
Of dark and light..
We were both exhausted
You went to sleep
I was staring at you for long
Your beautiful face with an open mouth
It was so child like
How much light was there
I dont know but you were shining
Shining like a pearl in the ocean
You placed your hand on me
And slowly your weinght shftited to me
For a childlike face you were happy
I gasped for air
But didnt wake up for some reason
maybe I was feeling heroic
wanted to carry you in my arms
I can be stupid like that
& you were in deep sleep
Must be in dreams in foreign land
Fighting ungodly things
Bringing them to light
But you wern't light
You were heavy
And I kissed your forehad
Like they do in fairytales
I was feeling heroic for sure
& I kept looking
Untill I fell asleep
The best sleep in a long time

I see, I judge

People in streets,
Wearing black robes,
With small hammers by their sides
Looking carefully at each passerby
Making announcements 
She is a hore
& that guy looks like dubledore
Attack they say is the best form of defense
They have painted the world red in self defence
Why do we small prey to this?
Why do we categorize?
Do everything you see belongs in so box or another
Do you always have judge?
Why do you hate so many people
Why the most piss you off
Its maybe because you measure yourself to them
And always always you fall shot
Its not them
Its your eyes
They say love people
Compassion is the greatest gift 
But what can we do if we just know judge
If its the impusle
If we cant help but to judge
Cant we learn by mere looking 
Can looking be possible without the mind
Why do as soon as I hear a news
I know if this 
Good for me or 
this is bad
I didn't think
I didn't analyze
I knew as soon as I heard it
I am fucked 
It a high tide
And my mind goes banana
Why do I judge 
It just makes me sad
butI cant help it
maybe I am not wise
But sooner or later 
I will realise the world that they have created
will one day break
One day I will look them in the eye
and just look them in the eye
Than when I will see something incredible
whe I will not be defensive at their sight
I hope I will
And this poem might not have lead me there
But I will keep on trying