Walk

Can we go for a walk?
Because I can't dance,
And crying doesn't come naturally
And there is so much that's burning inside
Can we use the steam
And walk?

Walk no where in particular,
Through dark areas
Or bustling bazars
We don't need to hold hands
With no promises of  long distances
But can we walk?

No pills,
No ciggrates,
Liquor or Painting
Does it for me,
The relief I get,
From a walk in the park
Can we walk?

And talk endlessly,
About important things
Or nothing in particular,
Nuisance, stories and ideas
Of what we thought we were
And the humans we are
Can we walk?

Can we take the longer route to home?
Can we walk in the midnight,
After a disturbing fight
Will you walk me home
and return walking back..
Can we walk?

Random Raita

The story without reason and question..

The story that I am making in my head is that she doesnt care. She doesnt care like at all about what you are doing, about the friendship about the relationship. She just doesnt give a flying fuck. Tu hi chutiya has aise peiche laga rehta hai, from everything that you have heard seen. She doesnt want much from you. That call was a mistake at the 6 Am with slight cough syrup. What are you you trying to do. She is in her own world re, and shayad you have no place in that world. You were always last in line, what do you have? You have been thinking about it all day, what do you want? She has her own things to deal, and she is sad too. and you are an enternal waiter, trying to fill that whole in your stomach, and she will come maybe, and the hole will fill, and you will breathe, and very soon you will forget, because you always do. And you will think kya chutiya thoughts rehte mer. Then she will leave again, to her own world and you will wait here like a dumb child who can cry but cant say. You will check your whatsapp, and keep checking it, eventhough your notification are mute, eventhough the net is not connected.

Love undiscovered

In a parallel universe,
Where I am a better poet,
And love,
Love is yet to be defined
By the social norms,
Exploited by artist for centuries,
Neither it is sung in folklore,
Nor in cheesy bollywood songs,
Neither it is romanticized by poets,
Nor it is something
That is learned from parents
Where there is a lot less baggage
Where the past doesn't predict  the future and the future
Well the future doesn't exist
If we didn't knew this is how it feels to be in love
Where time and distance are non existent
Where the biology has not wired us
To continue with the evolution
Where people understand logic
And shallowness of the same
Where kisses don't feel,
Then all there might be is a moment
This moment..
All encompassing..
The infinite..

Everything and Nothing.

Chaotic Times

Guarded
Standing,
Enterance? Or  exit?
Scent of enemy
Inside? Or Outside?

Flood of emotions,
Frozen!
Tired impulses,
Dark thought tunnel
Lost!

Hope,
Clinging to light
Far away
Far far away
Cold night

Happiness,
What?
Why?
Only pleasure
Self hurt,
Obsession..

Dark fog,
Can't see..
Figgity
Dreamy
Deep valley

Sleep with lights on
Blood in washbasin
Blood in hand
Red, Thick , Moist..

Breathless
Hold hand
Claustrophobic
Anxiety..
No short term
Relief

List of things

There is this list of things
I have made
To talk to you about
Good things?
No!
Bad Things?
No!
Just things
My random mussings
Commentaries on bare relaties
And I wish to narrate it,
someday
in your ears
Because that's how these are told,
in the ears
Not because they are sacred
But because
I want you to forget
I want you to forget
Each line
As soon as you hear it
I don't want
Anything
Anything to do with words
I just want you
To listen to them
And forget them!
Sounds simple
Its not a part of me
That I want to give to you
Because parts don't give parts
And we are both parts
Parts of the same things
Parted as we might be,
Like the poles.
There are forces that connect you
And somedays
we feel whole. 

Dear Partner

Dear Partner,
Sorry,
Sorry for what you might ask?
And I will say
for the shit storm that is Abhay
The majority of this relationship
will be finding things,
important things,
like PAN Cards, passports,
And adhar cards.
That I are here but cannot be found.
Its not that
You have to do this,
That this somehow your duty
But I know you will
Because you are kind
While I will be wondering
"Yahi pe toh rakha tha"
"Kaha Gaya?"
And you will try to remain calm
But you secretly wondeer
Intially
How does he manages to do this,
everyday?
One fine day,
When you will come home,
you will find,
that he forgot to lock the door,
or the light is still on..
And you will look to the sky
and wonder why?
Why does he do it?
Let me remind you darling
Karta nahi hu
Bas yeh hojata hai
The things with boyish charm
Which I think is my only USP
looks only good in boys,
And ladies often demand a Maan,
Supermaan, Spidermaan, Saktimaan
And you are reasonable womaan
And sane organised partner
is really not too much to ask
But jaan I will try,
I will try when we are there
That this wont happen
Or happens less
I am reading this book,
"The Life‑Changing Magic of Tidying Up"
and managing clutter in my life
But when it happens
I must ask of you
Please try and understand
That I have kicked myself,
That I have panicked,
That I have been very close to break down,
Many times,
None of them has helped much
My sister says its my mother's doing
My friend says its your biology
Whatever that maybe
Now that you find yourself
in this mess
Please try and be calm
And remind yourself
Zoom out,
find love..
And find the fuckin
wallet
Which needs to be found..

And it begins...

You wake up at 4 Am,
Nightmare?
Nope.
They are still to come,
And they hit you
A 1000 thoughts all at once,
And silently say
your prayer,
'not me,
just thoughts,
let them pass,
just see'
some days you win
and get half hour more sleep
others,
you live to fight another morning
Body hurts,
too much walking yesterday maybe
put on your shoes
go for run
and they follow,
one by one
all your things to do,
things should not have been done,
everything there,
you breathe,
everyone else is asleep
Or maybe fighting their demons
and you take out your weapon
your diary and a pen,
you write them down
do reason with them
you remind yourselves
amazing stuff that happened
and is about to happen
because its not in the autopilot
you stuff your breakfast
although nausea is constant
you remind yourself
you are not real
you are a figment of your imagination
and you say your prayers
not because you believe in GOD
but you want yourself to know
that if only 1%
you also effect you
And you are ready for the day
to face the chaos
to head bang to that riff
called life..

The Heart Broken

The heart broken are beautiful people,
It just came upto me
The girl who could not get over a crush
For 5 years,
The boy who still in love
to the girl friend
who is married now,
But then you wonder,
Are they?
Clingy little people
Desperate.
Lost in their own hurt,
In their own grief,
Pathetic right?
But they smile,
Sometimes with their teary eyes,
And they look at the world
With gentle eyes
Sometimes they make art
Beautiful art
Which people half understand,
Holding on to the hot cup,
Why have their impulses
failed them
Unable to let go
And they suffer day and night
And I find them beautiful
Broken are so my types
And sometimes,
I feel a hint of pride
One of them,
the chosen one.

Milte kabhi?

Dili se milenge nahi,
Toh Dilli ko janenge kaise,
Dili ko janenge nahi,
Toh pyaar kaise hoga,
Aur pyaar na hoga,
Toh hum reh na paenge,
Dilli meh jyada din...

Tum nahi ho..

Bazar hai, Shor hai,
Bhuk bhi toh lagi hai,
Cash laaya nahi meh ajj
Aur tum bhi nahi ho!

Client chutiya hai,
Bhagga diya muje,
Appointment ko bulla k,
Auto bhi nahi milte iss area meh
Aur tum bhi nahi ho

Sunday hai,
Koi meeting bhi nahi hai,
Ek Ajeeb si gharahat hai dill meh,
Sube se hi,
Aur tum bhi toh nahi ho..

Ajj utni garmi nahi hai,
Halki halki toh barish bhi horahi hai,
Waha ek couple bhi bhetta hai
Ashuiqui 2 kar Rahe hai,
Aur tum bhi toh yahi ho..

Winter is coming...

As we draw closer,
To my favorite season of the year,
The winter which is finally here,
I still sometimes,
Start typing,
"I miss you"
And I imagine what you would have said,
And we have a little conversation,
In my head,
Until I wake up completely,
And wipe the miss you wala part,
And say "Good Morning"
Have a great day...